Today I want to invite you to gather around our "table" for a good heart to heart about why we are going to jump into something that is almost guaranteed to be messy and hard.
Foster care.
It's about to get real. By the beginning of May our phone could ring and our family may grow from 5 to 6...for a weekend, a month, or forever. Most people have been overwhelmingly supportive of our decision to be a foster family, and those who don't like the idea have at least been kind enough to keep their criticism to themselves (or share it with someone other than us). I appreciate the restraint.:) I understand why it seems risky, crazy, or why some think we have enough kids already.
I completely agree with you, but we are doing it anyway.
We are trading in our low risk, comfortable life for something we believe is better. Jeff and I don't love hardship, trials, or seeing our kids miss out on some things anymore than the next person. Honestly, as of yet, the cost of following Jesus has not required hardship or much sacrifice from us. While we know this will be hard and that our financial picture will change so I can stay home to care for our kids +1, we are far from hardship or suffering. All we want to do is obey what we believe God is asking us to do. We put our "yes" on the table when we chose to follow Him. We're not better than anyone, just normal people who are surrendered to Jesus. He wants to use all of us in the place where we live and work, with the unique gifts and passions He has given us to be a demonstration of His love and Truth to those around us. Sometimes He asks us to go somewhere very far from home and sometimes He asks us to stay right where we are.
We each have a note to play in the most breathtaking song that will ever be played to the hearts of mankind.
Although I do not know what the future holds, I feel sure that we have been given our note to play in this next season of life. We are to be the hands and feet of Jesus to babies and toddlers who need someone to risk their hearts being broken so that theirs can find healing, or stay in tact. Kids who come into foster care are scared. They are not in control of anything going on around them or to them. They cannot defend themselves. Other grown-ups have to be willing to make the phone call to get them help. Others have to come up with a plan and provide accountability for their parents to get clean or a grip on other issues spinning out of control in their lives. Others have the job of looking through tons of paperwork, hearing two sides of the story, and then deciding what is best for a kid they do not know. Others have to be willing to open their home and welcome a wounded soul into their lives and all the mess that comes with neglect and abuse. There are even more people on the team, believe it or not, but their roles are still a little muddy. We'll figure it out as we go, I guess.
The bottom line is that there are children who, with no intervention, will suffer abuse their entire life, if they survive it. Chances are good that they will repeat the cycle and the brokenness will continue. That is the only reality they know. Those of us who have never experienced this are blessed beyond measure. To know that we are loved and never wonder if we will have our basic needs met is but a dream for some. While every scenario of abuse and neglect is complicated and different, I cannot live like it isn't happening. I cannot shake my head at the news when these stories are told and continue insulating my life from their pain. I cannot live my life and say that I love like Jesus loves if I choose to do nothing. This has been my crossroad. I was in a pile of tears every time this came up for a while. And it seemed to come up everywhere, all of the time. Thankfully, Jeff came to this crossroad with me...in less dramatic fashion. He just quietly said yes when God began stirring our hearts. Big surprise, right?
We know this will affect our kids. We will do our best to protect them from harm, but I have no doubt that some aspects of this will be hard for them. They will have to share their home, toys, and parents' attention with someone else. There will be more tears and raw emotions inside of our walls. They will learn to love a little boy or girl and then have to say goodbye. Their childlike belief that the world is a kind place will be challenged by the reality that not all grown-ups are safe. And maybe, just maybe, God will use this to turn their hearts toward Him and they will learn to love like He loves along the way. I want to protect them but I want to trust God with their hearts even more. If He intends this for our good, then He will use it for their good too. If it becomes unhealthy, we promise to pull the plug.
So, here we are. We stand in the doorway of the next season of our life. We have completed paperwork, classes, and home study visits. We will sign on one final dotted line in the next couple of weeks and then wait for a phone call. I have butterflies in my stomach. I know this has the potential to be the most difficult thing we have ever walked through, but also the most beautiful.
"But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:22-27 NLT
What is your note to play? Whatever it is, play your heart out.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Dynamite Comes in Small Packages
Over the last week, three Facebook posts have been thanks to a 24 pound, blond hair, blue eyed, two and a half year old little girl who lives in this house. The third born of meek and mild Carson children. Here is a recap...
NURSES or experienced parents: Ella just split her lip open pretty good. It seemed decently deep but the swelling it closing it shut now and the bleeding has slowed down. Top middle part of her lip. Do they usually do stitches in the mouth or do you think it will heal? I can message a picture if you want. I am so sick of urgent care right now so I am asking you guys first.
By 8 a.m. Ella was about 3 seconds away from a trip to the ER and a call to poison control. And while I panic she has this smirk on her face I wish you could see. Help us Jesus...help us BOTH survive her childhood. I am 100% not kidding.
In this week's edition of "What's Wrong Now?" Ella kicks things off with hives from head to toe. They appeared after we went outside yesterday and she didn't eat anything new. Any guesses?
Not all weeks are like this, but some are. Adding to my dizziness on this merry go round of sickness our kids have been riding, Ella adds to the excitement with daring tricks and rashes that no one can figure out. This little package of dynamite came rushing into the world just 16 1/2 months after her big sister. The clock struck midnight on her due date, which happened to be our seventh anniversary, and she barely let us make it to the hospital. Her whole first nine months of existence could be described by the phrase, "not as planned."
I knew it would be funny someday when we looked back on it, and it is. At the time, even with genuine thankfulness in your heart for the life you carry, it's hard to see the humor in God's timing while you barely survive 2 months of nausea with unrelenting toddlers living in your house. It was really a barrel of laughs trying to keep three needy children alive for the next year in a constant state of exhaustion. Listen, they weren't more needy than other kids, they were just normal. At the ripe old age of 4, 1 1/2, and brand spanking new, you don't possess a lot of life skills. You know, like the ability to dress yourself, wipe yourself, feed yourself, bathe yourself, get in a car by yourself, reach things for yourself, keep your hands to yourself, entertain yourself, see the needs of anyone but yourself, STAY IN BED BY YOURSELF...x3...you catch my flow? I wasn't sure I was going to survive Ella's first year of life. There were too many of them and too few of me. Jeff couldn't quit his job to be home with me all of the time because then we wouldn't have a home. This was my dilemma...sanity or a home to live in? I'm only slightly exaggerating.
The second year of Ella's life brought some good things back into our life, like sleep and a stronger marriage (that's another post). However, other things started to disappear from our lives, like knowing Ella wasn't climbing to the top of something the second you turned around. She is a mixed bag of low maintenance living and a near heart attack. This super baby would fall asleep in the middle of the floor, lights on, and chaos surrounding her all of the time. She also has an uncanny ability to go without food, by choice. Ask anyone who I left her with as a baby and they may still be in a bad mood about having a full bottle and a baby who refused to drink it for hours on end. I'm still sorry. I have always joked that she could survive life on the streets with this skill set. She doesn't need much to eat and she can sleep anywhere. She also loves standing with her toes over the edge of high places, going fast, and seeing panic in her parent's eyes. And this kid is witty. Even before she could verbalize her sense of humor she would smile after doing something ornery. You could tell she knew she was being funny. I cannot express how much I love who she is. She makes me laugh even when I want to be mad. I cannot wait to see who she will become as she grows up. I hope God uses her passion and fearlessness for His glory. Maybe she will turn out to be the most laid back kid of them all and this will be hilarious to look back on. Dear God, please just let her make it to adulthood so we can.
 |
| Look at all those baby faces. |
I knew it would be funny someday when we looked back on it, and it is. At the time, even with genuine thankfulness in your heart for the life you carry, it's hard to see the humor in God's timing while you barely survive 2 months of nausea with unrelenting toddlers living in your house. It was really a barrel of laughs trying to keep three needy children alive for the next year in a constant state of exhaustion. Listen, they weren't more needy than other kids, they were just normal. At the ripe old age of 4, 1 1/2, and brand spanking new, you don't possess a lot of life skills. You know, like the ability to dress yourself, wipe yourself, feed yourself, bathe yourself, get in a car by yourself, reach things for yourself, keep your hands to yourself, entertain yourself, see the needs of anyone but yourself, STAY IN BED BY YOURSELF...x3...you catch my flow? I wasn't sure I was going to survive Ella's first year of life. There were too many of them and too few of me. Jeff couldn't quit his job to be home with me all of the time because then we wouldn't have a home. This was my dilemma...sanity or a home to live in? I'm only slightly exaggerating.
 |
| Nothing but a good time. I'm so glad I caught this on camera. :) |
The second year of Ella's life brought some good things back into our life, like sleep and a stronger marriage (that's another post). However, other things started to disappear from our lives, like knowing Ella wasn't climbing to the top of something the second you turned around. She is a mixed bag of low maintenance living and a near heart attack. This super baby would fall asleep in the middle of the floor, lights on, and chaos surrounding her all of the time. She also has an uncanny ability to go without food, by choice. Ask anyone who I left her with as a baby and they may still be in a bad mood about having a full bottle and a baby who refused to drink it for hours on end. I'm still sorry. I have always joked that she could survive life on the streets with this skill set. She doesn't need much to eat and she can sleep anywhere. She also loves standing with her toes over the edge of high places, going fast, and seeing panic in her parent's eyes. And this kid is witty. Even before she could verbalize her sense of humor she would smile after doing something ornery. You could tell she knew she was being funny. I cannot express how much I love who she is. She makes me laugh even when I want to be mad. I cannot wait to see who she will become as she grows up. I hope God uses her passion and fearlessness for His glory. Maybe she will turn out to be the most laid back kid of them all and this will be hilarious to look back on. Dear God, please just let her make it to adulthood so we can.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Famous Last Words
"I WILL NEVER..." The famous last words most people choke on at some point in their life. So help me, I'm choking on them now. "The world doesn't need another blog," I said. It doesn't, still. I am doing this to help myself process things and see humor in otherwise frustrating events of life, but anyone who wants to keep up with our family is welcome to read (all 5 of you probably...let's be real). I want to remember the funny, difficult, and memorable moments. The problem is that my memory has been on vacation since I started having kids. I don't count on it coming home since it packed its bags and waved goodbye over six years ago. I imagine it must be somewhere warm and wonderful with luxurious things like spontaneous dates, sleeping in, and going to the bathroom by itself...ahhhhhh...what bliss. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I LOVE MY LIFE and I am terrible at keeping up with scrapbooks and journals so this may fall flat on it's face. At the very least, I am going to give it a good ole college try.
So, without further ado....
I present to you...
My blog.
You're welcome world.
I mean, thanks for reading.
So, without further ado....
I present to you...
My blog.
You're welcome world.
I mean, thanks for reading.
