For the Grandparents

Before the day is done I wanted to present a total amateur Valentine's Day photo shoot I did with the girls.  I have zero editing capabilities so just appreciate them for what they are.  Cute little girls sending some love to their grandparents.  Mimi, Papa, Grandma, Grandpa, Great Grandma Bernardine, Great Grandma Helen, and Great Grandma Marianne...these are for you! 

 

What If Valentine's Day Was Different

On the eve of Valentine's Day I'm thinking about the myriad of emotions people feel as this holiday approaches.  Some people love it and some people hate it.  Some people hate Hallmark for creating another reason for us to spend money on cards and frill...the pressure.  Some feel anticipation and the hope of romance while others feel dread and the sting of loneliness.  I can see legitimate reasons for feeling all of those things on a day where there is built up expectation of love and romance.

I've also done a little reading about the history of this holiday.   There is more than one version of the story but all of them agree that this day was named after a Roman Catholic bishop named Valentine (there were three Catholic saints during this time period named Valentine but one who seems to be most commonly associated with the holiday).  He refused to comply with an unjust edict of Roman emperor Claudius II that said no soldier was allowed to marry.  He performed marriages in secret until he was found out.  He felt the edict was unfair and helped others at the cost of imprisonment.  When told he must deny his faith in God he refused at the cost of his life.   His life ended as a martyr.  How should we celebrate that?   Flowers and chocolate obviously.  Like all holidays it has morphed into something different.

Please know that I enjoy any excuse for Jeff to tell me how much he loves me and to take me on a date.  I'm not recommending we boycott Valentine's Day or lecture everyone we meet about the history of the holiday.  I am challenging myself and anyone reading to just think about it in a different light this year.  Instead of thinking about whether or not our romantic expectations will be met or kill ourselves finding the perfect card for someone, why don't we think about how we can demonstrate God's love to someone tomorrow?  What if we focused on that?  

What if we used some or all of the money we would usually spend on a date to give someone else a meal?

What if we take flowers to a widow who may feel the sting of loss on Valentine's Day?

What if we invite someone to spend time with us who could use a friend?

What if we finally, in the spirit of St. Valentine's courage, said yes to something God has been telling us to do?   Even in the face of our fears.

What if we really thought more about how we could love the poor, the slave, the orphan, or the widow...above and beyond our normal caring...instead of ourselves.  

Maybe if you run in the same circles as I do you can get a little numb.  It could be that we know too much and are involved too little.  The internet has made us aware of so much brokenness that we don't even feel shocked anymore.  We can't let that happen.  While there is still breath in our lungs we cannot stop caring.  We have to make ourselves look their way.  We have to make ourselves stop and listen.  It's easy to ignore the voices of the vulnerable because they are so drowned out by louder ones.  The screaming voices of consumerism, entitlement, politics, petty arguments, and the always obnoxious white noise of our busyness just never seem to go away.  It's so easy to pander to these voices because of their volume.  The vulnerable whisper if they can even speak at all.  They are overlooked and ignored most of the time.  They don't get to come to the microphone make a motion at the meeting.  They can't pay someone to lobby for their interests.  They can't start a movement via social media.  They are at the mercy of the rich, the law makers, and their oppressors.  They wait on someone to come to them.  They cannot get to our well insulated lives to ask for what they really need.  They may not even know how to put words to it.  I am well acquainted with one segment of the population who are dying to be loved but they have no idea how to ask for that.  You guys, they shouldn't even have to.

If we really look around us or spend time with someone who is in such a vulnerable place I think we will find ourselves having to answer these questions...even if they're never uttered out loud.


Will you really love me?

Will you love me even if it's inconvenient?

Will you love me if it threatens your comfort?

Will you love me enough to sacrifice some things you want?

Will you love me enough to change your schedule...or your lifestyle?


Will you love me if I don't know how to love you back?

Will you love me enough to fight for me and speak for me?

I hear the voice of Someone else echoing through those questions too.  Someone who loves them just as much as He loves you and me (and I hope you know how much He does).  I hear the voice of Jesus through pages of scripture telling me that loving Him means loving others.  It means obeying Him, even when it's scary and hard.  It means putting others before myself, even when it's not convenient.  It means losing my life so that I can really find it in Him.  It means surrender and sacrifice.   It means real freedom and joy.  So, when I hear Jesus ask, "Will you really love me?" I know He is asking a loaded question.  He isn't asking for my words of affirmation or a sentimental card.  He is asking for my everything so that He can be my EVERYTHING.  He wants to give me grace and love that I cannot comprehend.  He intends to give His love to others through me...and not just to the people who already love me back.

I pray that we will absorb the deep love that God has for us and demonstrated through Jesus tomorrow.  YOU ARE SO LOVED.  I pray that we will also find a way to tell someone else the same thing.  To remind them that they are not forgotten and unseen.

Someone needs to hear, "You are precious, and important, and deeply cared for.  God loves you and so do I."

Let's celebrate that kind of Love this time around.  Happy Valentine's Day (eve).

When You Don't Know What You're Doing

Avery and Ella are currently the ripe old age of 3 and 4.   Since I quit "working" a year ago in December we have spent almost every blessed minute together.  I really am thankful for this time.  I feel like I spent more time just enjoying Micah as a baby/toddler than I did with them.  It's because I did.  He loves to snuggle up and reminisce about the good ole days when it was just him getting all of our attention.  He remembers a crazy amount of things from his first two and half years of life.  It's kind of creepy.  The girls came along in rapid succession so I just couldn't give them the same amount of attention.  It's just how it goes.  Please believe me when I say Micah needed his little sisters.  I tell him this frequently.  He would have been spoiled rotten and I would have whole heartedly contributed to it.  It would have been bad.  Very bad.

The girls have changed the landscape of "play" at our house too.  The baby dolls, dress up clothes, and kitchen toys are slowly outnumbering the hot wheels and super heroes.  The Legos though...they are more numerous than the stars in the sky.  I love them for their magical powers to quiet Micah for hours, to rescue me from having to play pretend (I'm awful at it.  It's an absolute labor of love and I wish it weren't so.) and they don't take one single battery.  God bless Legos.

So, when Jeff and Micah are gone, and it's just us girls, the days look different.  I steer the ship most of the time but if they had their druthers the day would go mostly like this.

- Wake up

-Eat breakfast

- Watch Mary Poppins or Sound of Music (We need to remind Mom of how awesome she could be.)

- Ask mom for a snack because we didn't get full 30 minutes ago.  (We can't tell time so I wish she would stop saying "We'll have a snack at 9:30 just like we do EVERY SINGLE DAY."  It's a waste of breath.)

- Dress up (Make sure we get them ALL out so we can see each of them on the floor for our next wardrobe change.)

- Change into another dress up and add accessories  (Don't forget the loud shoes this time.)

- Have school time (We know that's a crap shoot.)

- Eat Lunch (Ella may or may not.)

- Put on lots of lip gloss and sing karaoke...loudly

- Ask Mom for a snack

- Change into another dress up

- Nag Mom for another snack

- Change into another dress up

You get the picture.  They love to eat and be fancy.  They get the former from me but not the latter.  I'm yoga pants and t-shirts.  They're itchy dresses and plastic shoes.  I don't know where they came from.  I was there when they were born though, so it must be God's sense of humor.

The dressing up process got even more involved recently.  To their delight they got play make up for Christmas.   Yay!!!  I actually say no to it most of the time because I just don't have the inner strength to deal with the mess or the comments we would get in public.  I get enough as it is when I go to the store with any number larger than 2.

A few days ago I decided to let them just go for it.  It's the only way this stuff is going to disappear.  It turned into the best laugh I'd had in a while.  Avery, being a whole 16 months older, was clearly more qualified in make up application.  She convinced Ella to let her put it on for her.  I have tried to convey the "less is more" concept to Avery, but she's four and the color pallet she's working with contains dark blue and bright pink.  What do you think she'll pick?  Soft or bright?  Basically, her motto is, more is more.  I watched, listened, and took pictures because I'll definitely want to use this as an example later in life.  "You totally know what you're doing, huh?  Like this?  That turned out pretty well didn't it!"  These pictures will only get more precious with time.  The commentary was just as great.  Please enjoy.

Three times I heard her say, "You are NOT going to look like a clown."  Maybe she was trying to will it so or convince Ella before she saw herself in the mirror.  I don't know.  She also said, "I am so proud of myself!  You look adorable!"  So, what do you think?  A future in cosmetology?  For the record, this is way better than when she puts it on herself without a mirror.

Ella looks like she's having the time of her life doesn't she?  Then the moment when Avery handed her the mirror...

"Ew."  That was her response.  I was laughing out loud now.  She followed that very succinct feedback with, "Did I get too much?" Without any offense taken, Avery said, "No, I did."  I was proud of her.  She was willing to admit that maybe it wasn't as awesome as she thought.  Even better?  She went right to the sink and grabbed a wash cloth.

It was purely entertainment for me in the moment, but there is a lesson here.  I can't help how I'm wired you guys.  I'm sorry I can't leave it there. It annoys me too.

On the one hand, sometimes we'd do well to ask someone for help.  We just need to admit "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING."  There is probably someone around us that could help.  I make all sorts of excuses for myself in these situations.  Mainly, I'm too busy and I bet they are too.  I don't want to bother them.  The truth is, they may actually be encouraged by our asking them for help though.  Pride and busyness keep us spinning our wheels when we could be miles down the road if we would just ask for help.  I'm the chief of sinners here.

On the other hand, it's so refreshing when someone isn't too proud to see something from someone else's perspective and go, "You know, I can see where you're coming from.  I want to make it right.  What can I do to help?"  Kids can be the best teachers.  At a play date with some of Micah's friends a mom was telling me about the food allergy struggles that her youngest son deals with.  There was a big debacle at Thanksgiving when he had a reaction to something on his plate.  Stories differed as to what went on his plate that day and reasons for his reaction.  They went round and round.  She was really frustrated and didn't feel like they were working as a team.  I asked her, "would a simple 'I'm sorry' have been enough for you?"  Her answer was YES.   She would have been happy to move on if they could have just said, in effect, "You know, we may have put gravy on his potatoes.  We honestly can't remember. We sure didn't mean to put him in danger.  We are so sorry.  We'll do our best to not let that happen again."  Done.  Trust restored.  In each job I've had working in retail or ministry event coordinating I have observed this.  It would be over something as silly as how someone ordered their coffee or messing up meeting space for an event.  I think that we fear we might be giving someone ammunition for a lifetime or permission to take advantage of us when we say those dangerously humble words.  I'm sorry.  I messed up.  It's just our pride again.  It makes us want to defend ourselves constantly.  It's to our own harm in the end.  I'm not saying that every time someone accuses you it's healthy to validate their accusation.  There are those who will forever be right in their own eyes, and everyone else wrong.  They're horribly unhappy people.  I'm just saying, don't be that person.  To have good relationships we have to come in with a willingness to see when we have messed up.  Generally speaking, if we mess up, no one is going to die (unless you're a surgeon).  Our whole life will not crumble if we have screwed up.  We have to remember:  Everyone on earth screws up...a lot.  A humble apology and willingness to see from someone else's perspective would actually set us free and heal more than we can imagine.  Repentance.  Forgiveness.  Restoration.  Unity.

Thanks to Avery for the fresh lesson on asking for help, saying I'm sorry, and making it right.

Grace is always there.  God never uses our repentance as ammunition to shame us.  Out of His unfailing love He forgives us every single time we come humbly before Him with a heart of repentance.  Freely we have received and freely let us give.

Repentance.  Forgiveness.  Restoration.  Unity.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  - Colossians 3:12-14