When Grace Is Really All You Have

Imagine that about a year ago you accepted a foster care placement to help a little boy with special needs.  Excited and nervous you wanted to do it, and you quickly fell in love with him.  You felt sure that God had called you to do this.  You weren't getting much sleep because this sweet kid needed you to take care of him in the night and you also had responsibilities during the day that you couldn't ignore.  Life keeps moving and people expect you to show up for work, doctors' appointments, meetings, and meals.   You don't always get to check out of normal life, even under stressful circumstances.  Your exhaustion was real, but you never doubted it was worth it and you knew it would only be this hard for a time.

Then, one day, you were driving with your foster son in your back seat and missed a stop sign.  Your eyes were open.  You weren't distracted by your phone.  You were just tired and your senses weren't operating like they should.  You got t-boned and the little boy in your back seat who you had sacrificed so much to help was now seriously injured.  

You feel helpless and guilty and completely responsible.  You were the one driving.  You wish with all of your heart that you could rewind the clock and just put your foot on the brake.  How did this happen???  You've never even had a speeding ticket.  It's a bad dream you wish you could wake up from.

Suddenly, you find yourself at the center of attention.  Local media had a slow day and caught wind of the story.  People who don't know you or your foster son suddenly care deeply about his well being.  They all jump on the self righteous band wagon with their comments that read...

"How horrible! I hope that person pays for what they've done!"

"How do people like this become foster parents?  Our system is so screwed up!   Prayers for that little boy." (This is my personal favorite...condemnation followed by "prayers")

"I hope they take that child away!"

"Children deserve to be in loving homes with adults that will take care of them.  How irresponsible."

"This makes me sick."

"I bet they were texting and driving.  This makes me so angry."

None of these people know anything about the circumstances.  They don't know you.  They have no idea what it has been like over the last several months when you have been up in the night over and over, feeding, changing, holding, singing to, praying over this precious one.  You LOVE this child and hurt more than anyone over what has happened.  If you could take it back or trade places, you would do in an instant.  

IT WAS A MISTAKE.

The world is cruel and people can be unmerciful.  We can all be arrogant when others make a mistake and think "we would never..."

Over the last month I watched one of my friends get raked over the coals for a mistake that she made.  In the midst of following God to a hard place and putting so much on the line, she made an honest mistake.  She immediately owned it, everyone was okay, but it was the sort of mistake that had consequences.  If it would have been her own kid no one would have even known it happened.  

In foster care, so much of what you do is under a microscope.  

When kids fall off their bike and get scraped up, fall off the chair and get a knot on their head, cut their finger and need stitches...you take pictures, report it to your caseworker, talk about it at the next meeting, and deal with whatever judgement other people may have about how it happened or could have been avoided.  You may have to sit across from their bio parents and swallow your pride while they express their anger toward you.  

You didn't imagine the day that you would be asking for their forgiveness.  

I appreciate accountability.  This is the way it has to be, but it's also really really hard.

In foster care, and other times in life, we are exposed and laid bare before people who don't even know us.  People who live in the public eye deal with this constantly.  They are more vulnerable to rumors and judgement. 

My mom has one of those mirrors that lights up and has two sides.  One side is normal and the other side is magnified.  She bought it precisely for those features.  I, however, never want to see myself in so much detail under bright lights.  It's frightening.  Why would I want to see my acne (in my 30s...seriously???), and fine lines that are appearing all over my face.  WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO MYSELF?  

Sometimes that is how the rest of the world gets to see us.  Our mistakes are viewed under bright lights and appear larger than everyone else's.  It doesn't seem fair, and the story that's told is rarely accurate.

While perfect strangers malign our character on Facebook and we can do nothing to make it stop, what will we do?  Crawl in a hole and never come out?

Have you ever stood face to face with someone who gets to decide whether or not your mistake or your sin is forgivable?


What do we do with a mistake that others aren't willing to forgive?   

What happens if Jesus is the only one left standing there with grace?

I have really been thinking about this after watching someone I love have to deal with a similar reality.  Because I love her, I have felt her anguish.  

It has reminded me of the times in my life when I have felt completely unworthy of forgiveness.  I remember how raw those moments of vulnerability and weakness feel.  It caused my heart to run to the one place where undeserved grace, mercy, and love was demonstrated in fullness and perfection.  The cross.  Not one sin was left unanswered for at the cross of Christ.  There is not one mistake that the grace God demonstrated through Christ doesn't cover...completely.  

I can promise you this.  When Jesus seems to be the only one left standing with grace in His hands instead of a stone you will want to run with abandon into His arms.  His grace will never mean more to you than on that day.  

On our worst day.  On our best day.  This is exactly how much we need His grace.  

When His grace becomes the only thing we've got to make it through the day and not give in to despair, we will finally understand what He means to us.  EVERYTHING.  We are bankrupt without Him.  

When is the last time you felt this desperate for Him?

When we come to the place where His grace has given us true liberty from our sin and freedom to not be defined by our mistakes, we will also see the people around us differently.  We will be quick to extend grace, give the benefit of the doubt, and be generous with second chances.  We will be less inclined to make hasty judgements about others when we read the headlines or hear whispers.  

When grace is all we have, grace is what we want to give. 

Whether we find ourselves struggling to forgive someone else or struggling to forgive ourselves, we must remember this:  His grace is sufficient.  Let's own our mistakes, confess our sins, surrender ourselves to Him, and trust that He meant what He said.  Freedom awaits.  Why wouldn't we run into His arms to receive this kind of love?  Nothing compares.  

 Love unfailing.  

Grace unending. 

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For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:5-16

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The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”  In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”  They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.  When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.  At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.  Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”  “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”  When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:3-12