Our church meets in a double wide trailer in the
middle of a trailer park. We have been doing ministry in this community
for a little more than four years now.
It’s an understatement to say it has been SLOW going. It has
been difficult figuring out the best way to do that and to build relationships
with people who live there. There are massive needs physically,
emotionally, and spiritually in those 70+ trailer homes. It is transient and guarded in its DNA. Addiction is common. People's lives are messy. At times, the hard work of being a part of a small community of believers
(in general) where there is no paid staff to think about this mission field and
keep the goal in front of us has felt overwhelming.
Something needs to be done? Look around the
room folks.
Don't feel like we are really engaging the community
well? Look in the mirror.
Lacking in spiritual ferver and intimacy as a
community? Go look in the
mirror again.
There is no one to even falsely pass blame or responsibility
to because "it's their job". Everyone has other jobs, and
families, and other relationships/responsibilities.
The last year has been particularly hard and I have
wanted to throw in the towel. We have seemed stuck spiritually and lacking in
true community. My thoughts have been this: I want to go to a church where I can sit and listen
on a Sunday morning and someone else can "minister" to my kids while
I drink awesome coffee. (We have about as many children from birth to
age 6 as we do adults. Four of them being mine. It’s awesome and
ridiculously hard.) I long to sit in rows, not a circle,
while we worship through song. I want someone to just preach a hard
hitting sermon that I can ponder inwardly with no accountability instead of
asking me, "What did you learn about God from this text? How do you think God wants you to respond to
that?” Basically, I'd really like to quit. I’m sick of this being
hard and I'd like to find a perfect church that makes my life easier. I JUST WANT WHAT I WANT. Can that please be
your will, God?
Answer: Silence.
There was nowhere else God was asking me to go. Not surprising. He rarely moves me from something just
because it’s hard. It is usually the
place where He teaches me the most.
(Note: Hard is different than unhealthy.) I continued to pray for our church and for my
heart to be surrendered to God. I had to
trust that God would lead everyone else
away and the whole thing would fold, or a breakthrough was going to happen.
Sometimes things get incredibly difficult before they get better. This was one of those times. A breakthrough came a couple months ago by way of confession from
one of our families. Not a confession of
sin in this case, but confession of pain and loss. It opened the way for us to hurt with them,
know how to pray for them, and regain deeper community. God simply began to move in ways we had not
experienced in quite some time. He began
to answer other prayers. More people
from the community began trickling in.
It feels like we have come back to life.
Last Sunday night a nine year old girl named Grace randomly
showed up to join us. She has lived in
the trailer park for a few years and has come to Kid’s Club and other
activities we have done from time to time.
She hadn’t been around for a while but she felt comfortable enough to
come because of the familiarity she has with some of the grown-ups at our
church. She also came hungry, in every way.
She walked right in, grabbed a bag of chips and started eating
immediately. Our first response was,
“Hey, Grace, you need to ask before you take food next time.” The thought that she may have missed a meal
today didn’t cross my mind. When I
looked back on the night I had a different perspective and response in my
heart. We need rules when working with kids or else
there is utter chaos. Sometimes,
however, the rules need to be forgotten.
If a kid is really hungry it’s best to get that need met first before
trying to ask for their attention. I
have a hard time focusing when my stomach feels hungry and I have never missed
a meal unless it was on purpose. I began
to realize how hungry she was when she asked about 5 times during Bible study
when we were going to eat snack. I think
her main motivation for coming may have been to find something to eat. I was slow on the uptake. Lesson learned.
She wanted to sit in with the grownups instead of being with
the other kids during our Bible Study.
She sat next to me and asked if she could hold the baby. I let her for a little bit and pure delight
was on her face. She didn’t seem to be
paying attention to what was going on around her as she just fixed her eyes on
baby L. At the end of our time when we share how we
are doing and how we can pray for each other she raised her hand. Jon called on her and she began to cry. She talked about how sad she was that her dad
abandoned them and hasn’t been there for her. This was
a first for us on a Sunday night. The room fell silent for a minute. I didn’t know what to do except wrap my arms
around her and cry too. I told her we
were so sorry that her dad wasn’t there for her but that she has a heavenly
Father who loves her and will never leave her.
We moved on. There were no
fireworks and we didn’t hear angels singing on high so we knew this was a holy
moment. It would be easy to miss what
really just happened.
The reason she was even there came as the result of
obedience to God to do Kid’s Club in a trailer park that was often poorly
attended. And because I seemed to be
eternally pregnant or chasing our own kids around I wasn’t a part of that
much. I know it felt lackluster and
those who gave themselves to it faithfully wondered if it really made a
difference. Grace acted like she had
known Jeff and Jon since forever and it is because they were a constant presence at Kid's Club. When I got
up to make a bottle at one point Grace scooted over next to Jeff and “stole my
seat." She was there because she was hungry and she
trusts them. She is desperate for a dad in
her life. She was squirmy, fidgety, and
had a hard time tracking with Matt Chandler (our guest preacher via video). She may not have heard anything he said but
it was such a huge win. God drew her there. She heard that He loves her. She got something to eat. She felt cared about. That, my friends, is a big deal in God’s
economy and He is responsible for all of it.
We get to be a part of it because of all that He has done in and through
us along the way that we barely noticed.
I want to notice Him more.
It is hard to stay the course sometimes. We read books and hear stories about the
lives of faithful men and women. Written
in hindsight, years seem like days to us as we read about the struggle which
ends in triumph or a life well lived. It is
inspiring but we want it to happen faster in our own lives. We want to know our stories will end happily with more
assurance along the way that our
struggle, pain, and sacrifice will be worth it. Sometimes my problem is how I measure
something being “worth it.” The happy
ending on earth doesn’t make it “worth it.” Jesus
and the hope of glory makes it worth it. There is nothing better than knowing
Him. Any suffering or sacrifice will
someday seem light and momentary in comparison to the glory that awaits us in
His presence. He gave everything when He
came to earth and rescued us. He asks me
to give Him my everything and then guess what He does...He gives me Himself.
That is
EVERYTHING.
AND HE IS WORTH IT.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:7-14
