My Best Advice For New Foster Parents

God’s timing is impeccable.   

As we come to yet another chapter in our journey, I am "coincidentally" being given the opportunity to sit down with some brave souls tomorrow night who are about to embark on their own journey in foster care.  I actually do not believe it is coincidental.  God knew that L's parents would come back into our lives the same weekend that our focus would be on orphan/foster care at church and that I would be asked to sit on this panel only a few days later.  

He is after something in my heart...continued surrender and trust.   

I asked myself all weekend, “what do I really want to say?”  My heart feels very raw right now.  I may not even get to say much and they may have specific questions, but if I get the floor, what would I want them to know from a fellow sojourner who is just a few steps ahead? 

I asked some others for their perspective to get my wheels turning a few weeks ago, and with their added wisdom, here is where I landed…

1) This is the most selfless commitment you may ever make in your life.  If you do this the right way, you are making the commitment to be on a “team” of people who are working, not for your good, but for the good of a child.  Most of the time, this means working toward reuniting them with their biological family.  You will also be making a commitment to simultaneously love a child like they are staying forever.  That is an order so tall it will feel impossible.  I contend that it is without absolute trust in God and His love for you and the child in your care.   

2) Don't engage bio parents as the enemy.  They may see you that way in the beginning, but prove them wrong.  Encourage them to do the “next right thing” in their lives.  Love them.  Pray for them.  This is also a tall order.  Depending on the circumstances, you may really struggle to find forgiveness toward them.  This is absolutely and completely understandable.  It forces us to come back to our own deep deep need for grace and reliance on Christ to transform our hearts. 

Unforgiveness will be your own prison, I promise.  Don't let yourself live there.

And listen, forgiveness does NOT equal "free of consequence."  You do not have to be okay with their choices.  In the end, even while you love and forgive them, sometimes the best thing for a child is to move on to adoption.  Kids can't wait forever while their parents decide whether they really want to kick their addiction or make big changes in their lives.  Kids need full time committed parents.  They need to find permanency in a loving, stable, forever family.  This whole thing is the weirdest combination of tough love, support, consequences, surrender, and advocacy for children.   

So, be released from the pressure to immediately embrace warm fuzzy feelings of forgiveness toward bio parents you don't even know before you set foot on this journey.  It's okay to struggle with it and be afraid of it.  Just remember, if God has led you here, He will give you what you need to walk through it with love and obedience.   

I don't know how He will accomplish this in you and your circumstances, but I just know that HE IS ABLE. 

3) Find some safe people you can be free to feel your feelings around.  You will need to vent.  You will likely feel angry, tired, failed by the system, and overwhelmed at times.  It’s okay to feel this way.  FEEL IT.  Find people who will support you, pray for you, validate your feelings (when they are valid and most of the time they will be), and then encourage you get back up and go again. 

People say this isn't for the faint of heart.  I think we're all faint of heart, honestly.  Foster parents aren't stronger than the average Joe.  We have just arrived at a place of obedience and surrender because God has asked us to do this particular thing.  We simply trust God to carry our heart, even if it breaks.

Whom have I in heaven but You?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:25-26

4) Keep your integrity.  This goes hand in hand with #1 and #2.  When you fall in love with a kid and think that it would be in their best interest to stay with you, beware of the temptation to manipulate things.  DO NOT sabotage their bio parents.  This will never work out in your favor in the end.  At the very beginning my caseworker said, "Her mom is either going to do the work or she isn't."  That is what I needed to hear.  It was going to be an uphill battle for her and she didn't need me to stand in the way.  God will never honor that.

The end does not justify the means…ever.  

 I understand why this is hard not to do when you are “fighting” for a child.  I go back to our desperate need to trust God with the process and the outcome.  Do this the right way.  Don’t fight dirty. 

5) Make no mistake about it, you have the BEST job on the team.  While the rest of the team gets to interact briefly with your foster child, talk about them in meetings, advocate, and make decisions on their behalf, you get to make the biggest investment in their life. 

Everyone makes some sacrifices to be a part of this process.  This is not feel good work (most of the time).  I hate that we even need social workers, juvenile officers, guardian ad litems, and judges.  This is hard work for everyone and we all need to respect the role that we each play.  Good teams do this, and I am thankful to be part of one. 

Here is the bottom line though, you will make the greatest sacrifice.  Your whole life will be enveloped by this experience.   

You know what makes every bit of this worth it?  You are the one who gets to hold, love, comfort, and make the deepest impact on every child that comes into your home.  You will be the one to show them, maybe for the first time, what unconditional love looks like.  You will get to whisper "I LOVE YOU" when you tuck them in at night.  You will get to be their safe place to let it all out (this will be excruciatingly hard but necessary).  You will get to cheer them on in their accomplishments and progress, and see what a visible difference it makes when a kid hears someone say, "I'm so proud of you."  You will be there to tell them that it's going to be okay on hard days.  You are the only one that gets to know them intimately.  What an honor.  God holds them in such high esteem and you get to be His hands and feet to demonstrate His unfailing love toward them.  

Tell me what greater privilege there is on Earth.  There is NONE.

So, jump in with both feet.  Bring all of your excitement, nerves, fear, and an unwavering trust in God's love for you no matter what may come.  

This is going to be the ride of your life.  

WANTED: A Family For A Little Girl Named Dorcas

Today, I am excited to introduce you to the Humiston family.  I crossed paths with Jennifer two summers ago at a community pool in Hannibal, MO while we were in town for Super Summer.  They had recently adopted their son, David, from Guinea and we had just started our journey in foster care.  

Glimpses of God From the Humiston Home

 We discovered that we had a few friends in common, as well as a common passion for orphan care.  

As I have followed her posts on Facebook over the last year and a half I have been encouraged over and over by something in particular.  She is commited to helping a little girl, who still lives in an orphanage in Guinea, find a forever family. 

She started a fund to help cover the adoption cost for the family that will one day discover God has asked them to be her family. 

It seems very backwards.  And it's amazing.  It sounds exactly like the the upside down, inside out, unexpected way that God's kingdom works.  I love it so much.  

A few days ago it finally hit me that more of us need to share her story.  I am believing with Jennifer that God has a family for this little girl.  I also believe that if more of us share her story a family will eventually learn about her and hear God speak into their hearts that it's supposed to be them.  

How will they know unless they hear?   

Would you be willing to share this post with those in your social media sphere of friendship and influence?

It will be such a joy for hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of us to celebrate as we see her story unfold.  Her family is out there!!

Today, let's learn about how God first put this on Jennifer's heart.  (The following is from her post, "He Sets The Lonely In Families.")

/ / / /

In April of 2012 my feet touched down on West African soil for the first time. I thought I was there to do a VBS for missionary kids.  And I was.  And it has changed my life. 

I also went to an orphanage for the first time...and met my SON (although I didn't know he would be my son at the time!) 

But he wasn't the only kiddo that caught my heart's attention.  I also met a sweet little girl named Dorcas.  Today I'd like to introduce you to her.

 April 2012

 Look how little she was the first time I met her!

 April 2013

 

 2014/2015

Eating pizza!

Fun at the swimming pool.

  

  Pete & Amy Riley

Dorcas is determined. I've seen her with the help of her friends at the orphanage ride a tricycle.

Dorcas is a beautiful child of God. Her smile literally lights up the room.

 Dorcas is an overcomer. She has been "diagnosed" with CP.  However, she doesn't let that stop her too much. Since we met her she has received a walker and learned to get around very well with it. Recently, through the help of therapy (done by an amazing volunteer missionary) she has began to learn to walk unaided. We can't imagine what she could do with professional focused therapy!

 Dorcas loves to be loved.

Dorcas needs a family.

 I have to confess I put off writing this post. I am a detail person. I wanted the perfect set of pictures and description of what her skills are and her prognosis is. I wasn't sure exactly how to advocate for this precious girl. So this year our family began praying on a daily basis for Dorcas to find a family. And the Lord has burdening my heart like crazy. And so I write. Do I have all the "answers" to what life with Dorcas will look like for a family? No. But, I am confident her forever family is out there.

Could it be you? Could it be a friend of yours who has a heart for children with special needs? Your friends who have been looking to adopt an older child?

Although we do not know the exact day that she was born we do know that Dorcas is six years old.  She is currently living in an orphanage called CASOG (Centre D'Appui Aux Sans-Abris Et Orphelins de Guinee/ general translation: Support Center for the Homeless and Orphans of Guinea) in Guinea, Africa.  We are still in the frontier stages of adoption work in Guinea, but it can be done!  We did it and you can too!

She has the amazing blessing of a missionary family (The Rileys) who are investing in her while she waits for you. They are paving the way for her to have a family by taking her swimming (fun therapy), doings exercises, exposing her to American food, taking her places outside the orphanage walls, and pouring love and affection on her. (and photographing/videoing it all for you to have!)

But, this is not a forever family. It breaks my heart that she has been waiting this long. What have I been so busy doing that I haven't written this post before? Why did I think I had to have advocacy all figured out before I began? No more.

The Lord has challenged me to do more. I am starting a fund for Dorcas. Many of you know my cupcake business Sweet 2 the Soul began as a way to bring David home. I have continued to bake and give half of everything I make to missions.  I am currently putting money in a fund for Dorcas' future family to help offset their adoption expenses.

If you'd like to hear more about what an amazing little girl Dorcas is and what day to day life with her might look like I'd be happy to put you in touch with Amy Riley. If you have questions about how to adopt from her country we've done it and would be happy to help you on that end.

What can YOU do?

-Pray.  Pray and ask God if you could be the family God has been waiting for to step out in faith and adopt Dorcas. If you are certain that isn't you then please begin praying for her forever family to be found.

-Share. Will you please share this post with your prayer warrior friends, your heart for adoption friends, your friends who feel a deep passion to help those with special needs?

-Give. If God leads you to be a part of this little girl's journey please visit her GoFundMe page created to raise support for the family that will one day bring her home.  

You can always contact me at jenniferhumiston@hotmail.com or through Facebook with any questions you might have.

"God sets the lonely in families." -Psalm 68:6 

Let us pray and believe that God will fulfill this in Dorcas's life.