L's First Birthday

Well, before it's a distant memory I wanted to tell you a little bit about L's first birthday party.  We wanted to go out with a bang, as we don't anticipate getting to do a first birthday again.  {Insert mixed emotions here} We especially wanted to share this one with all of our friends who have been a part of our journey with L over the last year.  Our house isn't really ideal for having 50+ people inside it's walls, so we opted for a park party.  I watched the weather like a hawk as soon as it was in the 10 day forecast. That really does as much good as guessing exactly when a baby will be born.  There was a 50 % chance of rain even on the day of the party. Why in the first world of modern technology can they not tell me whether it's going to rain three hours from now?   These situations tempt me to leave behind all eternal perspective.  We had food for almost 60 people and I had a well detailed plan for how I wanted things to be set up at the park pavilion.  See diagram below.

Some people would call this "a little much" but I think this is just reasonable planning when you have a group of people showing up to help you set up with only 30 minutes of total prep time.  Someone validate me here.  I DID NOT want to move it to an indoor location with no playground, no diagram, and round tables for which I had no table covers.  Maybe my desire to make sure parties I host go according to plan is my overcompensation for our wedding that didn't.  Or maybe I'm over thinking it.  Maybe I just turn into a control freak over things like this.  Outside of weather stress I happen to have fun planning parties though.  I don't do it because I think it has to be Pinterest perfect to impress people.  It's just one of my weird creative outlets that I have fun with.  I can make things, check things off a list, and then declare it FINISHED.  That is a rare commodity in my everyday life of laundry, cooking, and cleaning.  The word finished usually just means it's time for me to clean up, wipe a butt, or put something away.  I will admit that four birthdays during the course of a year is a little more work than fun these days.  Jeff would agree...that it's a little more "expensive" than "necessary."  I am also realizing as Micah and Avery get older that fun trumps cute six days a week and twice on Sunday.  So, once you get to birthday number five I will attempt the cake of your choice and we'll do something fun with your friends.  I want them to have fun on their birthday and a banner that takes me three hours to make will not be etched into their favorite memories from childhood.  So instead, we'll go swimming, have Lego building competitions, or play at the park.  I'm actually growing fond of parties that don't require me to clean my house too.  

Back to the current birthday.  We decided to go ahead with the party as planned.  Jeff grilled hotdogs and burgers in the rain and we wrangled plastic table covers onto the tables.  We stapled them, taped them, and weighed them down.  I thought the wind was going to blow eveything up highway 63, including Ella.  But we conquered, we celebrated, the kids played, and we shared it with 56 close friends and family.  It was a good day.  I have the most precious video that I wish I could show you but it's hard to do that since the birthday girl is obviously the star of the show.  Bri did a beautiful job.  If you ever want to watch it I would be happy to share it somehow.  I didn't get a lot of pictures because I forgot to ask my sister to bring her camera.  I felt sick about that when I got home, but we did get a few.  Here they are.

L wasn't feeling great that day so she didn't devour her cupcake like we hoped, but she was a sweet birthday girl.  She handled the craziness and long afternoon like a champ.

I want to wrap up by saying that while this birthday was just as fun as every first birthday we have celebrated with our bio kids, I also felt a simultaneous sadness.  I remember talking to her mama at a court date last summer about us planning this day together and celebrating her victories as we celebrated L's first year of life.  I wanted to help her look into the future with new hope, to see what could be, so maybe she would fight harder for her freedom.  It just didn't happen.  I was the only one who knew about that conversation, but when L's former caseworker hugged me before she left those emotions washed over me.  She has consistently been a listening ear and understands the happy/sad combo of this day.  She cares about her mom as much as I do.  Her love for L's mom encourages me to keep loving her as well, even though our desires for L's future have changed.  Her friendship is such a blessing.

I am thankful for how God has worked over the last year.  It's overwhelming, actually.  I still pinch myself when I think about the fact that we get to be L's family, and have been for a whole year.  Our lives got a bit more complicated on May 17, 2014 while simultaneously getting so much richer.  She is amazing.  Her smile, curiosity, and big hugs have made our home a better place.  We have learned more about grace, prayer, and surrender by her presence in our lives.  We don't know why we have been given this privelege but we sure are thankful for it.  For as long as God gives us the opportunity to have this sweet girl in our family we will cherish it.

So, here's to a year of this sweet girl miraculously entering the world and thriving in it.  God so clearly has his hand on her little life and we cannot wait to see all He will do as she grows.

Happy birthday L.

An Answered Prayer

Yesterday morning we woke up dark and early to take Micah in for his third set of ear tubes and to have his adenoids removed.  I am such a wuss.  I do not have to be anywhere by 7 in the morning anymore.  My time at Starbucks will give me an appreciation for that until the day I die.  I despised getting up in the four o'clock hour to be at work.  I felt like junk the rest of day, even if I took a nap when I got off work.  I salute you, overnight and early morning shift workers everywhere.  You all keep the modern world moving along while the rest of us sleep and I know how hard that is on a body.   I hope some newbie will come along and pay their dues to the midnight hour so you don't have to anymore.

Anyway, Micah has been a healthy kid but his ears have always been his nemesis.  He is so used to it that he barely complains when they get infected.  Over the last few years it has really started to affect his hearing though.  It's very similar to living with an old man who has lost his hearing aids.  It can be a challenge.  Jeff and I hope this is the last time he will have to do this procedure, but Micah actually may not feel that way.  He loves getting to pick out his "something for being brave" at Target and getting to eat whatever he wants after surgery.  The doctor always has a basket of stuffed animals/toys for him to pick something from when we get to the hospital too.  Since gifts are his love language, this makes for a good day no matter what they do to him.   It's totally worth it.  He might sign up for experimental surgery if the prize was right.

I knew he had grown up since the last time he had surgery when he picked a book over a toy at Target.  Maybe this is sad, but it was actually a proud parent moment.  My kid loves to read!

This is at 7 a.m.  Be still my heart.  I also love that he wanted to bring his Sonic stuffed animal.
 He is still a little boy for a few more years.  

After we got checked in he bravely went down the hall will three cheerful nurses while we waved goodbye and headed to the waiting room.  After the surgery was over, our doctor came out to give us the report.  He said everything went well but he noticed something while he was removing his adenoids.  Micah has a "remnant" of a submucous cleft palate.  He rattled off a few more things, reiterated that he did great, and buzzed off to do his next surgery.  He had no idea what news he just delivered.  I plan to tell him at our follow up appointment though.

The second he said the words "cleft palate" I remembered something from 7 1/2 years ago.  When I was pregnant with Micah we went in for our 20 week ultrasound.  After my OB looked at the images she had some concerns about a cleft palate.   We had to go back at 28 weeks so they could take another look.  She said she just wanted to get better images of his mouth but it was probably nothing to be worried about.  As if that's possible to not worry about for eight weeks.  In the mean time I asked God to heal him if something was wrong.  I was trying to trust that God would carry us and him no matter what the outcome.  To be truthful, my legs were still feeble after walking through a miscarriage a couple years before.  I felt ready for bad news but I was going to be grateful to bring him home regardless of what the next ultrasound revealed.  Thankfully, after the next one she said everything looked normal.  I think we chalked it up to bad angles on the picture or just misreading the images...until today.

I did some quick research.  According the Cleft Palate Foundation (cleftline.org) a submucous cleft palate carries the same genetic (hereditary) risk as an obvious cleft palate.  That is good for us to know should Micah have kids someday.  Also, a submucous cleft palate can sometimes lead to eating/swallowing issues, speech delays, and persistent middle ear disease.  It can also require surgery.  As you already know, an obvious cleft palate would have required many surgeries.  Micah has only a "remnant."  I believe that remnant is still present today so that we would know GOD HEALED HIM IN THE WOMB.  I absolutely believe He did.  I don't care what anyone else thinks, I'm giving Him praise for a miracle.  It may be the cause of his ear issues but we could have walked a very different road after he was born.  God is so patient in the ways He reveals Himself.  Seven and a half years later I am finally giving Him thanks for what He did.  He answered our prayers with a yes.  Maybe it means more for me to learn that news now than it would have then.  I don't know.

Today I am filled with gratitude and a new reminder that God's ways are mysterious and He is kind.  There are many times He says no, but He also does indeed say YES.  He is more than able.  How many miracles has He done and how many crises have been averted because God intervened without our knowing?  Yesterday I also found myself inches away from being in a car accident in case I needed the message to be any clearer.  I am so thankful for His kindness.

I don't know what circumstances you find yourself in today.  Receiving a no or waiting for an answer is often painful and hard.  There are some prayers that I have been laying at God's feet for a very long time.  There are questions that I do not have answers to and desperately want.  I probably won't see all of my questions answered on this side of heaven.  None of us will.  But while we wait I hope you will be reminded, as I am, that God is still listening and He will answer.  One day, here on Earth or in His presence, we will see what He was doing all along.

More than receiving the answer to our prayers we will receive more of Him as we continue to draw near in prayer and His Word.  Because of all that God has done in my life over the last 7 1/2 years I am far more convinced of that today than I was back then.

Don't give up on praying.  Keep beckoning Him to answer.  Wait.  Watch.  Draw near.  Give thanks.

Devote yourselves to prayer.  Being watchful and thankful. 

Colosssians 4:2