Jeff and I got to spend a few days at my alma mater at the
end of May, sans kids. Every year we get
to be a part of the commissioning of college students who will be sent out
across Missouri to do missions over the summer.
Last year I couldn't go because there were too many appointments and
meetings for L who had only been with us for about a week. I stayed home with four kids all by myself
for the first time. Avery swallowed a
penny one night which caused a panic. L
was also in the habit of gracing us with blow outs that required baths around 3
a.m. I was so tired and out of my
comfort zone that adrenaline and coffee got me through it. A year later?
All four kids went to Grandma and Grandpa's house.
((((Hallelujah)))) I had two days of
rest. I got to sit in worship gatherings
from start to finish uninterrupted. I
got to see old friends. I got to have a
spontaneous coffee date with a friend (one of my favorite things in life) as if
I were really back in college. I got to
read as much as I wanted.
IT WAS GLORIOUS.
 |
| Family trip to Java Jive last summer. |
It is always near the top of my priority list to visit Java
Jive while we are in Hannibal. It stirs
up nostalgia and satisfies my hankering for coffee that doubles as
dessert. I worked at this little coffee
shop down on Main Street during college.
I learned how to use an espresso machine there, which I contend is a
valuable life skill. Jeff will
validate this. That job also taught me about
loving people who completely disagree with my beliefs. I would get challenged with hard questions
when someone would sit up at the counter on slow nights. It was good for me. It helped me dig deeper into the Word to
learn what I believed and why. I also
learned that sometimes when we live in a Christian subculture (like a Christian
college) it can be easy to have unrealistic and even nonsensical expectations
of the world around us. "Boycott
them if they won't play Christian music" is one example of this sort of
craziness. That message came from an
article in our school newspaper written by a "well meaning" and also
very misguided student. Hannibal is a
small town and it didn't take long for that message to reach the ears of my
boss. Even though I didn't agree with
the article that had been written, it was hard to not be painted with the same
brush since I was a professing Christian and attended that school. It damaged trust and I was so
frustrated. Here is what I wanted to say
back to writer of that article (but didn't because I hate confrontation)... First
of all, that did more damage than you can possibly know. Do not expect the world to cater to you. Jesus never once promised that. Among other important things, He told us to
be a light in the darkness. Love our
neighbors, even those who hate us. Serve
others instead of expecting to be served. So, for the love of Jesus and the
mission He has given us, STOP IT. I beg
you. I love that place and the people
who own it. I love the regulars that I
still see when I go in there. They don't
even recognize me anymore, but I remember them.
I'm thankful that Mrs. Ayers finally gave in to my persistence and let
me work there when they opened 15 years ago.
If you are ever in Hannibal please drop in and have a Milky Way for
me. I will just go ahead and
say...you're so very welcome for the delight your taste buds will experience.
As I walked around campus I savored the memories of a place
where I grew and changed more than any other season of my life. There are new buildings and people who
weren't around when I was here 15 years ago (Note: I accidentally left off the
"1" in 15 when I first wrote this. That was super depressing for a
minute.). A lot of things look
different, and better. They've made some
great improvements. They have Starbucks
in their new library, a Mongolian grill in the cafeteria, and current students
get to have chapel in a swanky theater with cushioned seats instead of sitting
on bleachers in the gym without air conditioning. Not the same experience kids.
But you know one thing that hasn't changed? This tree.
It sits right in the middle of campus. Pictures honestly don't do it
justice. It's such an eye catcher. I am always most amazed by how thick it's branches
are and how far they reach. It's
beautiful.
A few years ago a storm ripped through Hannibal that
produced straight line winds. They lost
over 90 trees and their science building not far from where this tree
sits. I'm sure it lost some leaves and
branches, but here it stands today. Can
you imagine the force of wind it would take to uproot this tree? I don't know how old it is but I'm sure it
has weathered many storms, droughts, and harsh winters over the years. I wish I could know just how far the roots
reach underground. If not for the roots
taking in moisture deep underground to feed the rest of the tree it would have
died long ago.
It dawned on me while I sat there. It's what I don't see that makes this tree so
beautiful.
It caused me to think about my own roots. What is it that sustains me through droughts,
harsh winters, and winds that threaten to uproot me? What is underground in my life?
While I can think of different types of roots, like my
family or the place where I grew up, my real roots are found in my relationship
with Jesus. He is my life, my hope, my
salvation. Like the roots of a tree, my
roots grow mostly in the place no one else sees.
The hidden place. It's in the quiet time alone with God that my
roots soak up the rain and nutrients that come from His Word. It is where I pour out my heart before Him,
listen, and let His Spirit teach me most.
My roots are also strengthened as I obey God and live in community with
others.
I have gone through seasons where I didn't take care of my
roots. I stopped spending time with God,
I had habitual sin in my life, and wasn't engaging in real community. It left me isolated and weak. So, when the storms came the damage was
immense. I was almost leveled by a
miscarriage, death of a cousin, and losing a good friend from college to cancer
10 years ago. I hated how I felt, I knew
it was wrong, but I felt angry and distant from God. You cannot prepare for a harsh winter once the
snow and wind are already blowing. You
just have to face it with what you have when the storm is on top of you. It was really clear during that time of my
life that I was a fledgling tree with weak roots. It took several years for me to find my way
back to an intimate relationship with God.
But He is so merciful.
That tree on campus was once a fledgling too. All massive trees were small in the
beginning. They all start the same way,
from a seed. We all start the same way
too. When it comes to a relationship
with Jesus, we all begin at the cross to receive grace and surrender our lives
to Him. How we intentionally pursue our relationship
with Him and how we take care of our roots will determine how we fare when the
straight line winds rip through our lives.
I want to be standing when those days come. I want to have deep roots that anchor my
soul. I want to be in the habit of
trusting God with the seemingly small things so I will trust Him when the big,
impossible things stare me in the face.
I want to run to Him and His Word for comfort and wisdom on those
days. From my experience, when you have been
avoiding Him on the normal days, it’s not easy to run to Him in the crisis. It’s not because He is harsh, it’s because
guilt and lies are hard to overcome when you are in a weak place. As crazy as it sounds, I resist grace
sometimes. Pride is ever at work against the grace of God
in my life.
How are my roots right now?
I have some room to grow, and I always will until the day He takes me
home. I have sin that I struggle
with. I choose lesser things to try to
satisfy my heart sometimes. I’m a work
in progress. I’m grateful for God’s faithfulness, unfailing
love, grace, and mercy that has brought me this far. I don't know where I would be if I weren't rooted in Him. All I can trust is that if I keep coming back
to Him, He will finish the work He began in me.
Oh,
the joys of those who do not
follow the advice of the wicked,
or stand around with sinners,
or join in with mockers.
But they delight in the law
of the LORD,
meditating on it
day and night.
They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do.
Psalm 1:1-3.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you
with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ
may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and
established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy
people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and
to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the
measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do
immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at
work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus
throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:16-21
(emphasis mine)
