Seven Things I've Learned So Far This Year

I got connected with some fellow bloggers recently.  Someone asked if we would want to write a post on the same topic for fun, and to help pull some of us out of a writing slump.  I decided to give it a whirl.  I've never done a list post. Someone is probably gagging right now because they hate list posts (I understand. So sorry.)

For everyone else, I present to you...

Seven Things I've Learned So Far This Year

1) Parenthood and The West Wing are the best shows of all time.  

I realize that is a matter of opinion, but they would have to be contenders.  I mourned for days when Parenthood ended last year.  Why in the world would NBC cancel it?  The only plus is that it doesn't consume an hour of my life every week.  I have never watched a show that made my heart connect to the characters like this one did.  I cried and laughed and I will love the Braverman family forever.

The West Wing was brilliantly written, quick witted, and engaging.  President Bartlett made me long for a leader that will govern with conviction, conscience, and lead with vision.  I loved CJ, Josh, Toby, and Sam. This is an older series, but I was too busy being a college student when it originally aired.  If you're looking for a series to watch, I highly recommend it!

2) My metabolism hates me.  

So, I am fine.  I am not wallowing in despair.  I just think there comes a time when you have to decide if you're going to deal with what's happening in your life or live in denial.   My options seem to be:

a) Eat healthy, deny myself dessert (and most foods I love), and stay exactly where I am.

OR...

b) Eat what I want and keep gaining weight.

I have chosen (b) over the last year and half.  I just want to stop the train before it gets out of hand.

I decided a few weeks ago that I would really try to wean myself off of refined sugar and flour.  I fasted from all such things for about two weeks.  I virtually saw no change.  This went way differently in my twenties.  Over the course of a few months I shed 20 pounds with healthy eating and moderate exercise a decade ago.  Now in my thirties, my metabolism mocks my efforts.

Jeff joined me (except he still ate dessert and had cheat meals, if you can call that joining me) and he confessed yesterday that he lost a few pounds.   He didn't want to tell me because he knows how unfair it is.  He wanted to keep me from feeling more frustrated, bless his heart. I told him that I still hate his guts.  I kid. 

3) Sending my second kid to school was as hard as the first. 

I felt exactly the same about Avery going to kindergarten as I did when Micah went.  She is 9 months younger than some kids in her class which feels like a big gap.  I worried about whether or not it was a good decision.  To my surprise, our fragile flower has blossomed with confidence.  She has no problem confronting problems with other kids.  Now we just need to work on her delivery.  Sass is not well received, in case you didn't know.

4) I strangely feel at home with people who are seriously a mess, addicts in particular.  

Let me explain.  My experience is still limited but the thing that I "love" about the addicts I have interacted with (which have all been in one particular demographic) is that they know they're a mess and you can freely ask them whatever you want.  I have not been met with defensiveness yet.   

They lie about the story but tell the truth about themselves.

They will tell you the wildest lie and then admit their criminal record in the next breath.  If you have discernment, you can generally put the big pieces together and see what the real story is behind the one they are telling.  They don't bat an eye when you ask them if they have any warrants out or past convictions (I ask because that might be the real reason they "can't get a job.")   They don't get angry when you very kindly remind them that the reason their mouth is in so much pain is because they keep using meth, which then makes them want to use more meth to deal with the pain, but if they continue to use meth they will lose all of the teeth they have left....SO STOP TREATING IT LIKE A FRIEND.  (How about that run on sentence?) They will still lie and their expectations of what they think others should do for them doesn't follow any logic.  It's just the one thing that I can appreciate about interacting with them.

I'm a question asker, and while that makes guarded/normal people nervous, I feel complete freedom with them.  Addicts don't protect their image or heart the way most of us do.  We are more sophisticated.  We often want to protect how people perceive us.

We will tell the truth about the story but lie about ourselves.

Their lens through which they see the world is so different.  It's whack, but for whatever reason, I get it.  At least they're honest about what a mess they are.

5) Traveling with four kids is so hard it's barely worth it.  

OH MY WORD.  We had fun last summer but I did more traveling alone with the kids and it almost did me in.  L graduated to the toddler stage and is living up to every expectation you probably have of tots.  If there is something not child proofed in your house she will find it, climb it, open it, eat it, get into it, tear it up, take it apart.  She also hates, and I DO mean hates, riding in a vehicle when it's dark.  This aversion combined with her screaming/hitting phase almost made me lose my mind and hand in my parent card over the summer.  I have learned that screaming triggers big feelings for me a lot more than it does for Jeff.  The older kids can push his buttons more quickly with arguing.  So let's just say there were a lot of buttons being pushed all summer while we traveled together.  Van rides, sleeping in dorm rooms, sleeping on air beds in the same room on a church floor, hotels, using gym showers, public restrooms, eating out a lot, and a very random routine did not produce the best version of ourselves.  Maybe next summer will be easier.  Or maybe we'll stay home.  Probably neither.

6) I'm an introvert.

I'm just now realizing this.  I have carried massive mother guilt for not enjoying certain parts of this season of life more.  I am deeply thankful for the family I have, I just struggle with parts of it.  I recharge by being alone, one on one time with people, and when it's quiet.  This is why I feel like everything is closing in and my life is being sucked right out of me when there is a lot of noise and I have to be "on" constantly.  Days when there is no break from it are super hard.

For so long I wondered why I feel such dread about social gatherings where you are supposed to mingle and get to know people.  The "get to know you" games give me so much anxiety.  I always thought something must me wrong with me or that everyone feels this way.  Neither are true.

I LOVE meeting up with a couple of people at the park or for coffee.  I don't even have to know them very well.  I am happy to have lots of people over to our house.  I love it actually.  I realized that we are all wired differently, and that's okay.  It helps me understand why I feel the way I do in certain situations and how to deal with it better.  I can't skip this stage of parenting and I can't avoid every large social gathering for the rest of my life.  I can let myself off the hook for how I feel about it and be more intentional about putting some alone time on the calendar.  I'm a better mom and human being when I do.

7) I love writing.

I feel weird typing those words.  I don't claim to be good at it.  I just like it a lot.  The truth is, I have found something so life giving by putting words on a screen and sharing them.  I used to have more time to give outlet to these words by frequent coffee hangouts with friends and leading small groups.  I can't do as much of that right now, and surprisingly, blogging has met a need to communicate my thoughts in a fun way.  I love hearing your feedback and getting to share encouragement with people I've never even met from time to time when the topic fits.  So, I admit it.  I love doing this.

If you made it to the end...congratulations!  I'm sorry, you don't win anything, but I appreciate your perseverance.  Thanks for reading about my weird discoveries over the last year.  What are some of yours?