The Non-Profile Pictures

For your entertainment, and because I know these will only get funnier as time goes on, I wanted to share some of the precious pictures that came from our short photo shoot with my sister last weekend.  Photographers who work with toddlers and children deserve every penny they get paid.  I'm so sorry Bri and Jennifer.  I know we still owe you for what we've put you through.  I will sell an organ one of these days and make it right.  Parents who survive photo shoots with their toddlers and children without injury to themselves or their children deserve a vacation.  This is yet to happen as well.  Instead, I settle for the joy of it "being over" and the hopes of just one (Dear God, PLEASE just one) good picture to help me forget the torture we just endured.

Kids, no matter how young, just know when it's coming.  They have a special radar that detects when there is about to be expectations placed on them to smile and look cute for a camera.  They can smell it a mile away.  When you pull out the nice clothes that coordinate with what everyone else is wearing, they wonder.  When I put on something nicer than yoga pants they really start to think something is up.   When I curl my hair, the flashing red lights and alarms sound in their heads.  Panic and rebellion begins.

This is how it goes for us.

Them: These shoes are too big...  I don't like this shirt...  the tag is itchy...  I don't want to do my hair like that!

Me:  I don't care.  You can wear them for the picture...  I don't care.  You can wear it for the picture...  I don't care.  Wait.  It doesn't even have a tag... (ugly voice) I DON'T CARE.  HOLD YOUR HEAD STILL OR THIS IS GOING TO TAKE EVEN LONGER.

I'm sweating at this point.  Perfect.  That looks great in pictures.

We pile in the van and head out to the country to take pictures in front of an old cabin that belongs to my brother in-law's family.  We pick up Micah, who stayed with my sister the night before, and I can tell that he tried to pull an all-nighter with his cousin.  His eyes look tired and his face does not communicate cooperation.  I sweetly tell him that he better smile for these pictures or he is never spending the night with his cousin again.  I'm so sorry for my poor parenting skills.  I know that was an empty threat but I was pretty sure that all our time and energy was about to be ruined by a 6 year old boy who watched Power Rangers into the wee hours of the night.  I was desperate for leverage and I had no bribe to offer.  Give me grace.

We head over to the cabin.  The kids are immediately grossed out by the cow patties that we have to dodge as this is also in the middle of one their pastures.  I also apologize to my hometown for the fact that I have failed to pass on the roots of my heritage.  My kids are not comfortable with farm animals and country living.  It's like visiting the zoo to them.  I have city kids.  I admit it.  By this point, the baby is hungry and there is a zero percent chance that we are going to get a smile out of her.  Our best hope is for her to look at the camera and not cry for at least the next five minutes.  My other hope all morning has been for her to not have a blow out and/or spit up all over her outfit and mine.  These are both regular occurrences.  She ended up looking at the ground in all but two or three shots.  I also had drool on my arm which you could see in the pictures.  Given the circumstances we still call that a major success.

The rest of the photo shoot threatened disaster.  It was mostly fake smiling, awkward posing, fighting about someone touching them, the inability to all look at the camera at the same time, and me being sweaty and irritated.  Who would know by looking at these gems though...

Here is a more accurate portrayal of how this went down...

Ella with her tougne out.

L yawning and Ella picking her nose.

L looking at the ground while Micah puts his hands in the air.  Why?

Well, we know where they get it at least. ;)

The next one was the winner of the day.  I held it together while all the antics were going on until Micah started messing with my hair.  GAME OVER.  I look demon possessed.

And we couldn't call it a day without sweet sibling pictures.  Just Precious.  Notice the subtle way Micah is messing with/pulling Avery's hair (which he adamantly denied...the camera doesn't lie son.)

 So much fun.  My next post will be about how much I love and adore them, I promise.  Family pictures don't bring out the best in them OR me obviously.  We're all a mixed bag.  Hope you got a chuckle.  I did. :)