Last Friday evening we were just planning to fire up the barbecue grill and have some family time. The weather was gorgeous, Jeff's parents were in town for the night, the kids were in a good mood, and I was breathing deep of God's kindness. I treasure gifts like these. I was standing in the kitchen when I heard my phone go off. I couldn't get to it in time and I heard Jeff's ring next. I missed that one too. I knew who the calls came from and I called back immediately. Our weekend plans were suddenly about to change. We held a brief family meeting to prepare everyone for what was about to happen. Jeff's parents handled it beautifully. The kids were excited. Thirty minutes later a petite, blonde headed little girl came through the door of our home with a caseworker. No bags, no extra clothes. Just a little girl entering a stranger's house with the clothes on her back. Although every little girl is just as precious, I couldn't believe I was getting to lay my eyes on this one. She is close family to L. I thought we would probably never meet her, and there she stood in our house. She sucked her thumb and twirled her hair, and kept her emotions in check. I was amazed. The kids didn't waste any time dragging her off to play.
I felt a lot of things over the next 2 1/2 days. Emotions are not always helpful in my life when I let them sit in the driver's seat, but they are also good and God given. The emotions and the peace that carried me along while she was here could only have come from God. I felt Him. You know those moments when you say yes to something He is asking you to do that seems outside of your capability, and you feel His presence in a powerful way. His nearness was undeniable. I felt His love for her, His patience, His steadiness, and His heartbreak for her pain. I feel like I am doing a poor job explaining that with words, but it's the best I can do. HE WAS HERE. He is always here, but I was so much more aware of it than I usually am.
Our kids embraced her and wanted her to feel safe. They were patient and kind. They picked out a couple of their stuffed animals for her to have in case she wanted to hug something. Micah even gave her a dollar to spend at Target when she went to a baby shower with me on Saturday. Oh my heart. There is hope that he will be generous with his money! I think she helped all of us forget about ourselves for a little bit. She helped us realize how blessed we are and how petty we can be. I know some things that were eating me suddenly went away.
On Saturday night when she was having a hard time falling asleep, as we were rocking, I just asked her if she knew who Jesus was. She said no. I had the honor of all honors in a lifetime to tell her about Him and how much He loves her. I knew that she may not realize what good news she just received, but I trust God will water that seed in her life. I am still overwhelmed. I feel zero pride in it. I feel undone by the privilege to get to be the first person to utter the name of Jesus to her. The kindness of God amazes me.
We said goodbye to her on Monday afternoon. I had 30 minutes to prepare for that transition. I knew we wouldn't have her long, but I loved her like it would be forever. I want her to be safe and cared for. I cried like I haven't cried in a long time when she pulled away. Goodbyes are hard. Even with tears running down my cheeks I can say I would rather know the sweetness of loving a little girl and feel the sting of saying goodbye than to miss out on knowing her all together though. I don't know if she will remember being here. I doubt she will, honestly. It will always be a precious memory for us though. I have priceless pictures that I never dreamed we'd have for L someday too.
God used her presence to awaken my heart to the darkness children are exposed to all of the time that I don't acknowledge or feel enough about. I'm reminded again that it's okay to let our hearts get broken for them. We'll be okay. God will bind us up. It would probably be good for everyone if we shed more tears over war, persecution, trafficking, abuse, oppression, orphans, and widows...and then did something about it. She reminded me that there are more kids that need us to care and act on their behalf. Whether it's long term foster care, emergency placements, respite care, advocating with lawmakers, social work, or prayer...they NEED us. They can't get themselves out of unsafe situations. They cannot make the abuse stop. They can't take care of themselves. That's a grown up's job...and guess what, I'm a grown up. As Jeff and I sat in a training on Friday afternoon he showed me these verses he had just read that morning.
O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart;
you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
Psalm 10:17-18
We are naturally left with the question of "how" God will do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed. The answer has to be us, doesn't it? I just can't find another viable option. If His Spirit lives in us then we are His ambassadors. We are His hands and feet in the world. I don't think the question we should ask ourselves is "if" we should be involved, but "how" we should be involved.
If something is important to our God, it needs to be important to us.
If it breaks His heart, it should break ours.
If He inclines His ear to the fatherless and the oppressed, we need to incline our ears as well.
I know we're all unique and so we will wave banners for different things. We have different burdens and passions. We are part of a Body and all of us have different gifts and callings. When we are all surrendered to God and let Him use our gifts for the common good and His glory...it's breathtaking. Maybe you have been following the last few blog posts about foster care and God is stirring your heart. Maybe last weekend wasn't just for that sweet little girl or our family. Maybe He is calling one of you to join Him in caring for the vulnerable among us. It's a battlefield. There is warfare when you engage in it, but we have been given everything we need to overcome the devil's schemes. God is stronger. You are engaging in something so close to His heart. He will not let you go. Say yes and hold on to Him.
Don't mind me, I'm just weeping here at work. Love you!
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