Five Months Ago Today

I know reflection is important.  Writing things down is important too.  Joan Shaw, the wisest woman in our church, has said this over and over (I think I know where she got the idea).  I want to be like her when I grow up.  I'm just not very good at practicing this with pen on paper which is partially why I started a blog.  I know I have already forgotten moments that I wish I would have written down over the last five months.  It's been a little busy though.  SO, before it's too late I am going to do some reflecting today.  If you like picture books, this post will be right up your alley.

Five months ago today I was getting my hair done and looking forward to a boring weekend at home with the fam.  While I was in the the check out line I got a text from Jeff and a phone call from Children's Division.  Suddenly we were getting ready to bring a newborn home from the hospital the next day.  I can write that without ALL CAPS five months later.  I mean, what was the big deal?   Less than 24 hours later we met this little girl.

First time we laid eyes on her in that quiet hospital room.

Feeding L for the first time before we took her home.

Strapped in and coming home with us about 30 minutes after our introduction.

Taking a nap with Daddy C when we got home from the hospital.

On that day I had no idea that she was going to be the sweetest baby I have ever known.  I thought we may be buckling up for a wild ride of scary health issues and non-stop crying.

This is pretty much what she did the first three months.  I took her to the doctor at one point because all she was doing was eating, sleeping, and needing diaper changes.  READ: She was being too good.  I thought something had to be wrong.  Paranoid much? :)

I also had no idea how amazing our own kids would be.  I thought there would be a lot of emotional unrest while they got used to a baby being around.  I can only say one thing about how it all actually turned out...God had mercy on us.  All of us.  God answered the prayers of many who were lifting us up during that time with a resounding yes, and we give Him praise.  Our kids are nuts about her.  She has brought out the most tender and caring parts of them.  Don't get me wrong, they didn't get halos the day we brought her home (as highlighted in my last post), but there are moments that have made me stop and catch my breath.  I have to share a few of those.

The moment we got home with L and came upstairs, the girls wanted to sing Jesus Loves Me to her.  So they did.  It was precious. 

This is supposed to say, "Have a lovable hugable day."

Micah was a little disappointed when he found out we were getting another girl. Bless his heart. :)  I think it is safe to say that he got over it pretty quickly.  He was cranking these pictures out before he left for school only two days after she came to stay with us.

 Micah has probably amazed me the most.  She has drawn out compassion in him that I didn't know existed.  He has risen to the occasion of being a big foster brother.  When she first came home with us we talked to the kids about how our job was just to love love love this baby.  I told them that it was helping her little body and brain to heal and develop when we sing, talk to her, kiss her cheeks, hold her, and pray over her.  Micah took me seriously.  One day he was rubbing her head and talking to her when he looked up at me and said, "Is it working, Mom?"  I said, "YES. You can't see it but her little brain is growing and going like fireworks right now. You are doing a great job."

One day he wanted me to read him a letter from her mommy that we had received.  After much begging I gave in.  He disappeared out of the kitchen as soon as I was done reading and I thought he wasn't really interested anymore.  A few minutes later he came back in and said, "That letter makes me feel sad."  "It is sad," I told him.  He didn't have anything else to say about it, but he and Avery both seem to understand that she is with us because her mommy and daddy can't take care of her...and that is sad.  They know that kids are supposed to be with their mommy and daddy.  They love theirs, as imperfect as we are, and want L to be able to go home to hers.  On some days they feel bad for her mommy when we have to take her home with us after a visit.  They will pray for her randomly on days when my heart would like to harden towards her.  They treat her with respect and call her by name.  They acknowledge that she is L's mommy.  At our first visit we had Micah give her a bouquet of flowers when we came in.  I know that how our kids have treated her has made a significant impression on her and our caseworker.

Make no mistake, God uses kids.

In the beginning, both of the girls wanted to hold and feed her constantly.  Their baby dolls became obsolete because they now had a REAL one to play with.  Now that L is only ten pounds behind Ella and doesn't just lay there like a baby doll, the fascination is fading.  There is no shortage of kisses though.  I feel smothered on her behalf but she rarely seems to mind.  Ella has happily turned in her "Baby of the Family" title.  She has not been jealous at all and I am so proud of her.  One night on our way out to meet with our church she said, "I'm so glad we have a fostuh baby." During the first couple of months she would tell just about everyone we met, "We have a fostuh baby!"  People generally didn't get what she was saying without the "r" but they would smile at her anyway.  It made my heart glad to know how proud she is of L.

Side note:  Ella loves wearing her "cabe."  More commonly known as a cape or hooded towel. :)

Avery was born for this.  She has mastered mothering already, so this was the perfect occasion to use her expertise.  We have to remind her that unless someone is willingly pretending with her, she is not anyone's mother.  She herself has only been outside of the womb for 4 years but she is at least 24 in her own mind.  She is stubborn as all get out sometimes, overly emotional at moments, but care taking is so natural and intuitive to her.  It's amazing.  She sees the best in others.  Just this week when we were getting ready for L's visit with her mama Avery wanted to curl her hair.  "I bet L's mom will think I look so pretty."  L's mom didn't come to the visit and she got worried about her. She whispered in my ear,  "Mommy, maybe she is sick.  Tell ______(the caseworker) that she is sick."  Bless her heart.  I know that she is young and doesn't know what's going on, but I love her tender heart.  She also said later that day, "L is the cutest baby ever.  I just can't stop loving her!"

Avery thought that L was feeling left out so she pulled up a chair to play with her.  She wants everyone to feel included.  Don't mind the scuffle happening in the background.  Micah had been home three (too many) days from school that week with a fever and we had been misplaced from our home for a few days because our AC went out in August.  We were all handling it like champs.  Nothing but rainbows and sunshine... ;)

You should also know that L is rolling over, starting to eat cereal and putting her toes in her mouth these days.  She is doing fantastic.  She still spits up more than any baby I know, drools like crazy, and has the occasional blowout. She's just gotta keep up with Avery and Ella's 5+ wardrobe changes a day, ya know.  She smiles a lot, is awake a lot more during the day now, and sleeping an average of 11 hours a night (bless the Lord, oh my soul).  She is a super happy baby but when she does get mad that girl can scream.  She will be heard if she wants to be heard. :)

As far as foster care is concerned, this story is not the norm.  I have the utmost respect for those who say yes to babies and children who are struggling with health issues, trauma, neglect, and loss.  You are amazing.  May God strengthen you day by day.  This is just the story God has given us.  It has it's challenges and I feel maxed out on some days, but I am overwhelmed with God's kindness.  I still don't know what the outcome will be here, but I am thankful for the privilege of being a part of L's story, and her mom and dad's.  

We will keep doing our part and trust God with the rest.

So for now, just enjoy these toothless grins with us.

2 months old at the St. Louis Project.  

2 1/2 months old

4 1/2 months old....I'm BOOtiful.

The Non-Profile Pictures

For your entertainment, and because I know these will only get funnier as time goes on, I wanted to share some of the precious pictures that came from our short photo shoot with my sister last weekend.  Photographers who work with toddlers and children deserve every penny they get paid.  I'm so sorry Bri and Jennifer.  I know we still owe you for what we've put you through.  I will sell an organ one of these days and make it right.  Parents who survive photo shoots with their toddlers and children without injury to themselves or their children deserve a vacation.  This is yet to happen as well.  Instead, I settle for the joy of it "being over" and the hopes of just one (Dear God, PLEASE just one) good picture to help me forget the torture we just endured.

Kids, no matter how young, just know when it's coming.  They have a special radar that detects when there is about to be expectations placed on them to smile and look cute for a camera.  They can smell it a mile away.  When you pull out the nice clothes that coordinate with what everyone else is wearing, they wonder.  When I put on something nicer than yoga pants they really start to think something is up.   When I curl my hair, the flashing red lights and alarms sound in their heads.  Panic and rebellion begins.

This is how it goes for us.

Them: These shoes are too big...  I don't like this shirt...  the tag is itchy...  I don't want to do my hair like that!

Me:  I don't care.  You can wear them for the picture...  I don't care.  You can wear it for the picture...  I don't care.  Wait.  It doesn't even have a tag... (ugly voice) I DON'T CARE.  HOLD YOUR HEAD STILL OR THIS IS GOING TO TAKE EVEN LONGER.

I'm sweating at this point.  Perfect.  That looks great in pictures.

We pile in the van and head out to the country to take pictures in front of an old cabin that belongs to my brother in-law's family.  We pick up Micah, who stayed with my sister the night before, and I can tell that he tried to pull an all-nighter with his cousin.  His eyes look tired and his face does not communicate cooperation.  I sweetly tell him that he better smile for these pictures or he is never spending the night with his cousin again.  I'm so sorry for my poor parenting skills.  I know that was an empty threat but I was pretty sure that all our time and energy was about to be ruined by a 6 year old boy who watched Power Rangers into the wee hours of the night.  I was desperate for leverage and I had no bribe to offer.  Give me grace.

We head over to the cabin.  The kids are immediately grossed out by the cow patties that we have to dodge as this is also in the middle of one their pastures.  I also apologize to my hometown for the fact that I have failed to pass on the roots of my heritage.  My kids are not comfortable with farm animals and country living.  It's like visiting the zoo to them.  I have city kids.  I admit it.  By this point, the baby is hungry and there is a zero percent chance that we are going to get a smile out of her.  Our best hope is for her to look at the camera and not cry for at least the next five minutes.  My other hope all morning has been for her to not have a blow out and/or spit up all over her outfit and mine.  These are both regular occurrences.  She ended up looking at the ground in all but two or three shots.  I also had drool on my arm which you could see in the pictures.  Given the circumstances we still call that a major success.

The rest of the photo shoot threatened disaster.  It was mostly fake smiling, awkward posing, fighting about someone touching them, the inability to all look at the camera at the same time, and me being sweaty and irritated.  Who would know by looking at these gems though...

Here is a more accurate portrayal of how this went down...

Ella with her tougne out.

L yawning and Ella picking her nose.

L looking at the ground while Micah puts his hands in the air.  Why?

Well, we know where they get it at least. ;)

The next one was the winner of the day.  I held it together while all the antics were going on until Micah started messing with my hair.  GAME OVER.  I look demon possessed.

And we couldn't call it a day without sweet sibling pictures.  Just Precious.  Notice the subtle way Micah is messing with/pulling Avery's hair (which he adamantly denied...the camera doesn't lie son.)

 So much fun.  My next post will be about how much I love and adore them, I promise.  Family pictures don't bring out the best in them OR me obviously.  We're all a mixed bag.  Hope you got a chuckle.  I did. :)