Sometimes Love is a Bouquet of Weeds

I came across this picture that I took a few months ago.  I remember the kids had been playing outside and a few minutes later Avery came running inside with a scrawny little bouquet of weeds.  "I picked these for you, Mom!"

We don't have beautiful flower beds or fields of wild flowers for her to frolic through and gather beautiful bouquets of flowers for me.  She was just playing outside in our sad little yard that Jeff has labored in for hours and hours, not once but twice, just begging it to grow grass.  Similarly, my attempt at flowers by our mailbox always starts out very hopeful and ends with me saying, "well, better luck next year."  And don't get me started on the trees that drop walnuts and acorns, pelting the poor struggling grass below every year.  AND THE MOLES.  A reminder of the fall of man.  I have a lot of feelings about this cursed little animal that wreaks havoc to spite us (it's personal) and our efforts to just grow some stinking grass.  It laughs hysterically at us when we walk in the house.  It mocks us while it pushes up the grass and leaves mounds of dirt everywhere.  To make matters worse, Jeff will set a mole trap in the yard where they leave a fresh run and cover it with a gallon ice cream bucket, weighing it down with a brick on top.  Ahhhh...yes.  That adds to the beauty of our yard.  He would argue that it's worth doing since he has caught ONE over the course of three years.  I wish I could use so many emojis to help you understand my emotional state about this.  We want grass in our yard.  Is this too much to ask???  We just want grass instead of dirt.  Excuse my big feelings about the moles..and our yard.  We should just stop talking about it.

Anyway...

Sometimes we don't get beautiful yards or fields of flowers.  We just have our shabby grass and fields of weeds.  It's where we are and what we have.  You know what I love about kids?  They don't notice.  Avery was so proud of her handful of freshly picked weeds flowers.  I told her how beautiful they were.   It was true.  Whenever the kids hand me something they have made I don't care about how well they stayed in the lines or that their stick figure rendition of me has an oddly large head.  It will never make it into an art gallery but I will hang it proudly on my fridge.  I didn't care that this bouquet was already wilting by the time it made it to my hands.  The love that came with those wilted flowers is extraordinarily beautiful.  She wanted to give me something because she thought I would like it, because she wanted to express her love for me.  For the first time, I appreciated the weeds and I saw their beauty.

I feel like I pick a lot of bouquets of weeds. 

Sometimes I want to encourage a friend going through a hard time or give a gift to someone I love and it just feels like I missed the mark.  I said too much.  I said too little.  I gave the wrong gift at the wrong time.  I added to their pain instead of bringing comfort through my words.  I meant to give them roses but I gave them weeds instead.  I am usually one who is not afraid to engage the hard places but sometimes when I get it wrong I think it's not worth it.  Being vulnerable with each other and reaching out when we see someone hurting brings some risk of rejection or unintentionally hurting them.

So, should we just toss our bouquet of weeds in the trash and never let them know we care?

I come across articles that give the "top ten things to never say to a person going through X, Y, or Z."  They are often written from a disgruntled perspective that expects everyone to understand what they are going through and be sensitive to things they know nothing about. Who does that help, really?  Will shaming people make them more sympathetic?  Will it make them want to reach out or help more?  I feel this way about some foster care articles I read.  Can people say things and ask questions that they shouldn't?  You bet. Can people be nosy?  Sure.  You know what I think most of the time?  People are just trying to care.  They don't know what to ask or how to ask it the right way.  Let's give each other a break.  Let's give the benefit of the doubt and just help people understand where we are.

We could use less "never do this or say that," and more "here are ways that you can show you care."  Sometimes people just need a little more perspective.  They need to know that it's okay to reach out.  They need a little encouragement to do SOMETHING instead of playing it safe and doing nothing.  Let's also give some reassurance that they don't have to say it, whatever "it" is, perfectly.  Let's give grace to each other and receive those bouquets of weeds with grateful hearts.  Someone loved us enough to give the best they have.

And when we look around because we want to pick the best flowers we can find for a friend and all we see are weeds, let's give them the best ones we can find.  Let's stop letting the enemy rob us of giving the gifts that we have at our disposal.  You know what it communicates to the one who receives them?  We care.  We see them.  We love them enough to give our best.  Let's pick the best bouquet we can find and give it to them with a smile, or a hug, or note, or even eyes full of tears.  Let's get over our fears of it not being good enough, or the right time, or the right words, and let's start loving each other with a little more abandon.

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.  -1Peter 1:22